On my addiction

I don’t want/need to turn to porn. I know that. I haven’t wanted it for a very long time, and I never needed it. It’s a coping mechanism, and I hate it. It allows me to avoid feeling bad about something that’s really bothering me by first offering an escape and then giving me something else to feel bad about. When I take a step back and look at it, it’s really just sad and ridiculous. And I’m going to do whatever it takes to get past it.

I know that it will take hard work, but I really am willing to do whatever it takes. On the one hand, I’m really glad that I’m not a drug addict or an alcoholic because I imagine chemical dependencies would likely be harder to get past. But on the other hand, I almost wish I were addicted to drugs or alcohol because it’d be easier to talk to others about that sort of addiction. People would be more understanding, since they are more familiar with those particular addictions. I would have been more likely to just discuss the problem with my wife, too, instead of hiding it. Regardless, I’m willing to do whatever it takes to get through this for myself, my wife, and our marriage.