In a lot of the reading I’ve done online and elsewhere, it seems that the 12-step approach is highly touted. I know that AA, NA, SLA, etc. help lots of people. I also know that this sort of approach isn’t really for me.
Well, that’s not entirely true. I’ve actually worked through several of the steps on my own. I’m really just not a joiner, and I don’t see how going to meetings would help, as I don’t think sitting in a roomful of people who have made bad decisions can be very healthy for me. I know that meetings help a lot of people, but I don’t think they’re for me. I have worked through many of the steps on my own, though. I’ve admitted that I have a problem. I’ve asked for guidance and help from God, though I haven’t admitted that I’m powerless before the addiction (because I simply don’t believe that I am). I’ve read accounts of others in similar situations (both the grief and the addiction), and I’m continuing to do so. I’ve also read about overcoming addiction, because (in my understanding) the root causes of addictions are often similar, even though the addictions themselves are not. I’ve talked to my wife a lot; she has in the past worked through issues of her own that have the same/similar motivations to these, and she has found constructive ways of dealing with them. I’ve done what I can to make amends to the person I’ve harmed, my wife. I can’t do anything to change the past, but I can try to help her understand. I’ve admitted that what I’ve done is wrong. I’ve tried (and am continuing to try) to live up to my values. And I’m sharing my experience with others (through this website). In my understanding, that pretty much covers the 12 steps. I’m going to continue with all of these, too, which I think is the last of the 12-steps.
Quitting Pornography 
[…] I wrote a while ago about 12 steps and how, while the groups are not for me, I was working through the steps themselves. I have continued to do so, and lately I have been really thoroughly doing step 4, so I have been making a real inventory of the things I have done (including the cybersex that I only recently acknowledged to Ann). I am sharing this inventory with Ann, which is part of step 5 (sharing with another person). The sharing is hard, but it’s been good and freeing, even though it hurts at times. Even though it can be painful, hurting like this is better than the numbness that I used to feel. […]